I’m often confused on whether the universe is conspiring against me, or if God is trying to guide me towards a greater purpose for my life, or if my selfish career desires are somehow being curtailed by a combination of both. I am, after all, an at-home parent by proxy. Leaving my full-time gig at the museum was just temporary, right? But four years have passed. FOUR YEARS! Its been four years of applications for positions I’m perfectly qualified for, resume updates, getting my hopes up, pondering the “what if”, and still nothing. And yet, my writing career has taken off. So, at what point am I no longer unemployed, but rather self-employed?
Most people suggest being paid for your writing means you’ve “made it”. So, I’ve made it. I think.
And yet I struggle to accept my lot in life. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE what I do every day. I love waking-up to my tot. I love caring for him, being needed by him, feeling his abundance of love for me. But my own dependency pill has been tough to swallow. I struggle knowing that with each passing year, it becomes harder to explain the employment gap on my resume. I struggle knowing that no matter how successful my writing career becomes, or how hard I work supporting my husbands ambitions, some people will always see me as JUST a SAHM. And, as we all know, SAHMs sit around eating bon-bons, and watch soap operas all day. And obviously I’m poor, and uneducated, right? (Pay attention CNBC!) Ah, stereotypes.
Earlier this year, when I really noticed a jump in my writing career, I started replying to ”What do you do?” with “Oh, I’m a writer and mother”- Because I am. I’m not unemployed. Underemployed? Sure. But, I’m most certainly not unemployed. I’m a mom, a writer, a maid, a cook, a companion, a snot wiper upper, a dog walker, and a community volunteer- I’m a HOMEMAKER with a profitable hobby. Yes, I like that.
Nevertheless, there will always be a part of me, despite my inevitable Pulitzer Prize nomination (you’ll see!), that’ll feel somewhat inferior to “working moms”. A hurdle, for sure.